me: accidentally hits my lock screen button while watching youtube
youtube: you wanna get youtube red?? you fucking dumbass?? you really think you can play videos in the background without youtube red?? you fucking useless bastard.
Ezra confirming he’s genderfluid is great, but it’s also the absolute most minor detail in this wild article
Please read this entire thing about how Ezra Miller is basically Ronan Lynch in Vermont and how he’s delivering goat babies
I need to buy an issue of this
[John Mulaney voice] You’re gonna close with genderfluid?? That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said.
“Miller actually has four goats, he explains on our walk over to the periwinkle blue barn. He’s holding a blue tin of American Spirit tobacco (which he never opens) and a mug of thick, brownish liquid that is “full of greens and adaptogens and plant-based proteins that fill one with energy and vivaciousness,” he says. “We would call it The Juice of the Biggest Boy.”
“
Yesterday i lost my glasses. And decided to document my frustration until……… I really wish this was planned, but i gotta admit, I took a big L.
“[defeated tone] So… I have…. lost my glasses. And I’m afraid to leave my bed because I can’t see… and I fear I might step on my glasses. So I’m sitting here with my bee pillow pet… and I don’t know what to do.
I need to get up. I wanna get food. I gotta exfoliate and moisturize, cause my skin looking atrocious right now.
What if… [deep breath] What if I die here, y’all? Would anyone even miss me?Like, really?
I want Enrique Iglesias to come save me. Like, the ceiling opens up and like, he comes down from like, a heavenly cloud with my glasses, and he’s singing. [imitating Enrique Iglesias] ‘Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? I will be your hero baby!’ And I just take my glasses and I’m like ‘Thanks yo! Put a shirt on homie!’
But life, life don’t work… life… [prolonged silence]
[camera zooms in on glasses]
[long silence; light chuckle] Enrique…”
This should win an Oscar
This really how it be. You Need your 👓 to Find your 👓 🤦🏽♀
